One brother I cut out of my life a few years ago and I'm better for it. He's never earned or deserved my respect and this began when I was a young girl. This year I shared with my mother the reason why I don't speak to this brother. The sharing was profound. It was therapeutic. Then... it was gone. The words evaporated as if they were never spoken. It's okay mother, I understand.
Another brother left us many years ago for another life of his own. I know he's there. We're just strangers. Strangers who can love each other anyway. Why not?
And then there's the brother who called today. He's erratic and emotional, a combination of charisma and anger. He's violently abusive with words. This all because he cannot speak directly about feelings. It's always dramatic when his feelings boil over. He can anger easily and he can love just as deeply as he hates. He's perfectly imperfect. He's my brother.
The backstory? I've never stopped associating with this brother's ex-girlfriend. Probably because she's kinder (to me) than he's been through the years. She was in my life 15 plus years when they ended.
Today's call:
His words, in no particular order:
You fucking bitch
I wouldn't go to your funeral if you died tomorrow
Fuck you, okay. Fuck you.
Anyone who associates with my enemies is dead to me.
My words:
I'll pray for you!
I said just a few words. I took in his anger - his abusive words. I have prayer and forgiveness. I pray his heart will heal. This brother always says "I'm sorry" eventually, but not before leaving our relationship further strained and distant.
This is the story of my brothers. Like my father, they've been absent. Like with my father, I love them anyway.
But I love me more. In a lovely twist of fate, God blessed me with a husband who's shown me loving fatherhood in the way he loves our children and caring brotherhood in the way he treats his siblings. When looking for love.... It's here!
It's always here... like prayer and forgiveness.
